double jeopardy

[ceagle]

*sigh* skip to avoid
Yesterday became a sorrowful evening, after hearing that an lj-friend musewoozle had passed away... I tried and tried to hunt around for hours, for every possible reason I could find to disprove it, but ultimately it seemed to be true.. -_-

Then the double-whammy came tonight, discovering that apparently LiveJournal has a discomforting policy in place, wherein they somehow partially disconnect the friends-listing of someone that dies :<
I.E.: You still show up in their friend's list, and they still show up in yours (this is good and true) ..... but, somehow (on your own page) they stop showing up as a mutual friend.... as if someone stops being a friend once they die???
I tested this by going to several other people's pages who also are mutual friends of the dear departed (austin_dern and sebkha), and, I also went to another friend's page (patchoblack) who is a mutual friend of someone else I didn't know (who died also - stars_pyre), and yup, same thing happens: patchy and he are mutual friends, but on patchy's page, it does not reflect this any more... :<
Once LJ discovers they are no longer with us, whomp!, somehow they only have half-friends anymore. >:| They will always list you as a friend on their user info page, but no longer will it show that they befriend you on your user info page.
Doesn't this sound just a bit unreal, untrue and even twisted?
It sure seems like adding insult to injury... like stirring salt in the wound... Your friend has died, and then LJ takes another step further to break yet one more connection you share with someone for whom you still care. -_-

One (maybe) good thing, is that perhaps LJ gives them a permanent account some time after they have passed on. Patchy's friend is sort of a tragic urban legend, and I see that LJ gave them a permanent account after all this time. Hopefully my friend will never have to die here too.

As long as their family wants it that way, I guess. I hope.

Still, it doesn't quite make sense to me, and seems unnecessary, that they would implement a sort of technical disconnection like this... when someone you care about still lives on, in memory... :/

may you rest in peace, woozle.

*offers a final wing hug*.

Comments

[loveyouenola.livejournal.com]

Oh C, you have my most sincere condolences. I am sure this policy is just something not properly thought through - it may well change in future (I can't imagine why it would exist in the first place). I am sorry you are able to list friends who have passed on the way you can, I know you remain a good friend to them all. *The most loving TB Hugs*

[makovette.livejournal.com]

Hugs my friend...

Give me a ring tomorrow if your inna mood to talk.

Your pal,
Mako

[rjtremor.livejournal.com]

Love you, C. *HUgs and holds lovingly, comfortingly, rocking his sweet feathered friend and wishing he could ease the grieving...*

[brokkentwolf.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I guess there's a vested act of rememberance in keeping someone in their friend's list. I never stopped to think about it, but it's true: Death shouldn't mean that friendship was severed along with the passing of the individual. I have the contact information of a departed friend on my list of contacts. Every time I switch PDA's, I still transfer his information over. I don't think I ever WILL stop transfering the information over. In a way it's a reminder, but it's also a placebo - it makes me feel that he's with me still. Just a phonecall away.

[stokerbramwell.livejournal.com]

Erf...I'm sorry to hear about that. Makes me wonder what I'd do if I ever found out one of my online buds was gone. >_<

[telbert.livejournal.com]

I'm terribly sorry, C. *hugs* I heard the news as well. It's always sad to see a friend die. As for the LJ, perhaps you could write the LJ staff and ask them to change their policy?

[artemis1.livejournal.com]

Sooooo sorry *hugs you tight*

[kliefox.livejournal.com]

Sorry, C.E. *gently hugs you and pets your crest*

That's just ... Almost cruel, definitely cold thing for LJ to do... I'm still trying to think of a logical reason that they would, and can't.

<:(

[joeygatorman.livejournal.com]

(*hugs*)

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

It was a shock, yeah ... even thinking back of the conversations we'd had over the past couple years and it's still surprising; I can't think of anything that suggested he was any more depressed than any person is. I didn't have any idea he needed help.

Dropping him from the friend-of page is really disturbing, particularly coming so quick after the news got out. I guess I see what they might intend it to mean, but it still doesn't feel right.

[kelloggs2066.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[blue-lory.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Does anyone know WHY he killed himself?

*hugs you and pats your shoulder*

Amy

[genecatlow.livejournal.com]

From what I can make out, it seems to have something to do with the way LJ determines user status. I think it's the way
they show that a former user is no longer with us. But it's
still unfair - and profoundly strange. Is it some bizarre enforcement of the nomenclature "LiveJournal"... that you have to be 'live' to have one? -_-

[neocanis.livejournal.com]

Funny they have people keeps eye out for just that :-/

I heard there is a journal called "deadjounrnal" or something like that...

The thing bug me is... Do they have some kind of software that filter certain key words in the journals? If not, that's means either someone reports it to the LJ, or there are LJ staffs who are reading everything in everyone's journal. Oh... my... god... O_o

[neocanis.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry *hugs*

...and discomforting action from LJ only add to the tragedy <:-(

[genmaicha.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry...

I had noticed the odd thing in regard to stars_pyre's journal...but I didn't know what was going on...

[desertcoyote.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I hope lj will give him a permanent account.

[justblieve.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

[lizkay.livejournal.com]

I am heavily sorry...
*offers a big hug*

[jedd-marten.livejournal.com]

I think the idea behind the policy is to hide "ghosts" in the friends-of list. From what I can see, the status of the deceased's friends list does not change. That Joule LJ history software apparently doesn't know about this aspect and mistakenly reports an unfriending that didn't really happen.

[canid-anubis.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tightly*

Although I knew of his passing from another's LJ, I've been neglect in keeping up with my reading lately and didn't see this post from you. Personally, I did not know him, but I am sure he was a better person for having you in his circle. I am sorry for your loss though, as well as his pain and confusion. I do agree that it is a bit odd, what LJ does with the mutual friends. I had never heard of that or noticed it in the past.
I wish you the best, of course, and hope that no one else you know on here finds themselves in a similar situation. We're too much of a 'community' for that.
Stay well,
-Canis

[richardf8]

I wonder if the purpose of the policy isn't to get your attention, to let you know that the person who passed has fallen away from our realm so to speak. Of course, death and de-friending are very different things. Perhaps placing such accounts in an LJ-cemetery of sorts and and moving the entry from the friend-of list to a passed-on list would be more. . . tactful?

[archteryx.livejournal.com]

ArchTeryx gives you a very soft hug. He's been suffering pretty heavily over the loss of Ashentaine, in a way outsized to the day to day impact on his life.

That just shows what a quality person he was when alive. I had a dream the other night, my friend. It was me, walking up to the edge of the very same abyss that I nearly lept into two years ago. When I looked down into it, there was Ashentaine, curled up and staring up sadly back at me. As I watched, he faded away, and I realized something.

He had not gone to heaven, nor did he go to hell. He returned to the place that spawned him, being an earth-demon...the Earth itself. I hope he finds happiness in the bosom of Gaia.

[linnapaw.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry... Somehow I had missed this post until yesterday, and then I was so sick I couldn't write anything.

I'm truly sorry about your friend. There are no words, really. I've been lucky enough that my friends who have been on the edge, for some reason or another, were pulled back. I am thankful to God for that, but I know that that may not always be the case, and I know that even if these individuals are only "LJ-friends" their presence will still be missed dearly. I can't say that I know what the thinking behind what LJ does makes any sense, but on the other hand, it doesn't make these people any less friends, whether they still have the "mutual friends" listing, or whether or not they are still with us.

I hope you're okay.

Take care,
Katja

Remembering our fallen friend

[lanakila.livejournal.com]

Lanakila spreads his wings around you and wingsnugs tightly.

I read your Live Journal entry when you posted it, but never gave you a reply. I am saddened for the loss of Ashentaine. I knew him better as "Jacob" online TerraFrore Muck. He was such a friendly mouse critter and I enjoyed role playing with him. He said some very nice and polite things about me, and I respected his character greatly. It's a tragedy and a terrible shame that we have lost someone so special, great and wonderful as Ashentaine. :/ My poor eagle friend. I hope your heart can be eased with time.

Lanakila snugs you tightly and buries his beak inside of your feathers, cuddling affectionately.